Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
