Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
