Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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