You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
