Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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