and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
