i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
