When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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