I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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