So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
