I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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