I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
