I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
