after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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