if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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