Texts From Last Night

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

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  (785): If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up http://tfl.nu/fktn
  Replies (9) Good night (1140) Bad night (2903)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror

  (906): View more from Michigan

  its going to be a good night

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  (231): i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror (906): its going to be a good night http://tfl.nu/k4vc
  Replies (22) Good night (5604) Bad night (910)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza

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  (513): you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza http://tfl.nu/lm16
  Replies (7) Good night (3631) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

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  (586): You do realize it's a Tuesday, right? (1-586): You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life. http://tfl.nu/em8w
  Replies (22) Good night (8064) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?

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  (815): should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here? http://tfl.nu/0w0h
  Replies (23) Good night (5257) Bad night (2332)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.

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  (708): She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin. http://tfl.nu/wbej
  Replies (24) Good night (1984) Bad night (6937)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment

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  (773): Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment http://tfl.nu/rjpv
  Replies (13) Good night (5320) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets

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  (785): In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets http://tfl.nu/2py4
  Replies (7) Good night (1309) Bad night (2219)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.

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  (519): This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun. http://tfl.nu/wpnv
  Replies (3) Good night (2378) Bad night (1041)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.

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  (817): It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila. http://tfl.nu/g1g0
  Replies (5) Good night (1584) Bad night (643)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

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  (206): I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship. http://tfl.nu/s5mh
  Replies (18) Good night (2356) Bad night (1024)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie

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  (717): Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie http://tfl.nu/cc1l
  Replies (5) Good night (1465) Bad night (411)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover

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  (214): If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover http://tfl.nu/4860
  Replies (6) Good night (363) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.

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  (262): It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly. http://tfl.nu/kimb
  Replies (5) Good night (341) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You should've introduced yourself

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  (313): Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him" (248): You should've introduced yourself http://tfl.nu/iy2p
  Replies (4) Good night (754) Bad night (204)

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