I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis