I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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