On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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