She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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