i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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