You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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