it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
