Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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