i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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