this just has baby written all over it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
