So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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