Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
