You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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