He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
