I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
