I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
