I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
