and you said cock pushups were impossible
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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