nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
