HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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