hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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