I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
