He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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