I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
