I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
