a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
