We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
