I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
