The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
