do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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