I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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