now i know why i became what i already was.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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