I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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