the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
