i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
