Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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