I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
