when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize