I hope mine doesn't look like that
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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