Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.