he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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