I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
