You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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