She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it because I queefed?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
