I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
