Life is so much better after having sex.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
