threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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