Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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