4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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