Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
