It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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