i just google imaged poop.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
