Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
