Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
