took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
