i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
