i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
