I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
