i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
