Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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