No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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