Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
