Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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