you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
