Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my being single is dangerous.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
